There's wildlife in my hair!

This. Is. A. Leather. Dress. A floor-length. Leather dress. A floor-length leather dress.... with a crotch-high slit. THIS IS A FLOOR-LENGTH LEATHER DRESS WITH A MOTHERFUCKING CROTCH-HIGH SLIT.

These pants make me want to kill myself. No, really. I am tempted to take my own life afer seeing these atrocities. I can no longer comprehend beauty or niceness. All I see are fat yellow cuffed trash bags.

LOL WUT.

WHAT THE HELL. I realize this is probably traditional clothing for a ceremony of sorts, but I just had an vision of walking into a grocery store wearing this, and it was too disasterous not to include.

I bet all the scene kids are going to come on here and tell me LOL I LOVE THOSE SHOOZ SEWWW UNIQUE. :/

Sara was the first one to blog this, but I couldn't resist. I actually said "WTF" outloud. Which part do you think is worse? The cropped shirt/slutty underwear/clear fishnets OR THOSE FUCKING PANTS?

'Sup Buzznet? To make up for my uber lack of tutorials in the recent past, I shall be covering oodles of material in one big fat journal! Such material as...

• Basic lighting correction for portraits (Pre-airbrush fixer-uppers)
  
• Clearing up blemishes, wrinkles, zits, and unevennes on skin using various tools
  
• Cleaning up hairlines
• Defining eyes with lashes
  
• Changing eye/hair color
  
• Getting sharp, professional results from a not professional photo
  

Disclaimers:

1. You must have basic knowledge of tools, layers, and menu options to follow these lessons easily. So, if you're not accquainted with Photoshop yet, be prepared to Google.
2. Your photo must be relatively closeup (anything zoomed in closer than bust, head, and shoulders) and have fairly even lighting. No damaged photos: Airbrushing does not equal repairing. 
3. You must download this set of eyelashes for Lesson Four to work.

Enough of that jibber jabber. Let's get started already!

Lesson One: Basic Ligthing Correction (Preparing for Spot-Editing)
This entails: The Dodge And Burn tools

**If your photo is ready to airbrush, the lighting is satisfactory, and you're happy with the color scheme, skip to Lesson Two.**

Anypoop, this is our image:

I don't want to edit the lighting TOO much before I begin spot-editing (airbrushing,) but to make it easier on myself, I'm going to take the dodge tool to the shadow-y bits:

Notice how my brush is set to Midtones, at 20% exposure? DON'T MIMICK THIS. Your photo may be vastly different, so play around with settings. Remember, you can always undo.

Pft. That's not very attractive, is it? Well, no. But be patient: The goal of this lesson is to make it as easy as possible to do spot-editing.

Judge for yourself if you need to burn any too-bright bits. (Not needed for this photo.)

Lesson Two: Spot-Editing (Eliminating blemishes, uneven tones, and cleaning up the hairline)
This entails: The Patch and Heal Brush toolsm multiple layers, and the Clone Stamp

Moving right along, it's time to clear up the nasty patches on this lovely model's face! We'll start with the Patch tool.

This tool works just like the selection tool: You click when you want to begin selecting, drag your mouse to encase the selection, and let go of the mouse when you're done selecting.

(Make sure you're zoomed in so you can see details)

Notice how I've selected a spot on her skin? ALWAYS SELECT THE UNCLEAN AREA WITH THE PATCH TOOL.

Now, all you have to do is CLICK INSIDE THE SELECTED AREA, DRAG TO A CLEAN AREA, AND PHOTOSHOP WILL FILL IT IN.

This screenshot was taken while I was sourcing a clean patch of skin for photoshop to use in order to fill in the spotted area. Don't get it? Check out this video.

Now photoshop has mixed together your selection, with the sourced selection you clicked and dragged. Deselect.

Behold! You now have a beautifully clear patch of skin, using nothing but the Patch tool!

No wai!!! Keep going through all the blemished parts of skin, using the Patch tool. And the results are beautiful!

Hey, wait! What the heck is up with those uneven tones? They must go!! But how? Um, with the Heal Brush tool!!!

This works exactly same as the clone tool: Hold ALT (OPTION, on Mac) and click a clear patch of skin, then click the uneven patch. It will automatically fill in. Don't get it? Check out this video.

Zoom in for this process, and you'll see fabulous results.

Yay! Continue using these tools until the face of your model is smooth and clear.

SPECIAL TECHNIQUE: HARD CORE CLONING: Please skip if you're not confident with Photoshop

Source a large, clean area of skin WITH A LARGE BRUSH in the clone tool, such as a cheek. DO NOT CLICK OVER THE UNEDITED AREA YET.

Add a new (blank) layer.

NOW click over the unedited area, while still in your new layer, until it is clear. It will look very stupid at first:

Yeah, she's got an eyeball in her hair. That's why we're doing this in a separate layer. ERASE ALL THE AREAS THAT THE NEW LAYER IS INTRUDING. (Such as, the eyeball in the hair thing.)

Use the move tool to increase the size of the clean layer, covering all of the unedited layer, as shown above.

Now use the BURN AND DODGE TOOLS to darken and brighten certain parts of this layer, making it look more like it belongs. Remember to vary the brush size, exposure, and shadow/midtone/hightlght settings and undo when you mess up!

FINALLY, USE LEVELS AND COLOR CORRECTION TO MAKE THIS LAYER BLEND IN COMPLETELY.

This, coupled with some careful use of the DODGE, BURN, AND SPONGE tools, has beautiful results:

For fun, scroll up to the top and see how different the image already looks. Seriously.

Lesson Three: Defining Eyes With Lashes
This entails: The Paintbrush tool, the move tool, and separate layers.

This is a fun and cheap alternative to buying fake eyelashes: Photoshop those babies in! First, you'll need to download* these eyelash brushes from DeviantArt and FOR GOD'S SAKE, FOLLOW THE STOCK RULES.

*There is an orange icon on the left side of the screen that says "download." Click it, then you'll have the file. Double click it to open it in Photoshop.

Create a new layer.

Working in that this new layer, select the Paintbrush tool.

Find your eyelash brush and click once to make it show up. Use the Move tool (with transform controls on) to adjust the lash to fit the eye.

Now COPY AND PASTE THIS LASH AND FIT IT TO THE TOP AND BOTTOM LIDS OF BOTH EYES. If the lashes are too long, use the Eraser tool.

Okay, that does femme up the face a little, but it also looks incredibly fake. How do we remedy this? By going back to our Background layer! Use the burn tool around the eyes to make them darker.

*You will want to zoom out for this.*

Well that just looks ridiculous. Merge all the eyelash layers by selecting them in the layer palette, right-clicking, and selecing "Merge Layers."

Then you must trim the lashes with the eraser tool.

Eh, a bit better, but still not perfect. What are we doing wrong? Oh yeah: NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T HAVE BLACK BIG, BUSHY BLACK EYELASHES. (Unless they happen to be Jeffree Star. If you want to look like him, you're done by this step.)

Go to your layer palette and blend the eyelash layer in OVERLAY mode.

You may also need to decrease the OPACITY to make the lashes look real. I set mine to 70%, and wound up with this!

Isn't that lovely? (Mind you, the photo isn't done: For the lashes to look UBER real, the whole photo will need more contrast. Hop to it!)

Lesson Four: Changing Eye/Hair Color
This entails: Separate layers, the Eraser tool, Curves, and Color Correction

Select, copy, and paste your model's eyes (just the irises.)

Now go ahead and change the colors and curves however you want!

Now erase everything around the irises with a small and soft brush.

Zoom out to see your lovely eyes!

YOU CAN USE THE SAME TECHNIQUE FOR HAIR! Copy and paste around it, change the color, then erase!

Now flatten the image.

Do your usual curves/contrast adjustments:

Only one step to go!!

Lesson Five: Sharpening/Finishing Touches
This entails: The Unsharp Mask

Apply an Unsharp Mask, paying close attention to the Preview. Keep fiddling with the settings until it looks sharp, but not different in color.

This is the final product, after the Unsharp Mask, a bit of dodging, and a color edit to the eyebrows. (Same technique as eyes and hair.)

Questions? Ask em here.

By the way: This journal is probably laced with spelling errors. I care not.

JESUS GOD, I can't believe I've had this blog for seven weeks and never discussed Crocs! Especially two-tone Crocs with Micky Mouse cutouts. BARF.

When I first saw this, all I could do was blankstare: Try desperately to find some- ANY- reason, or excuse to have that.... white thing.... That outturned diaper.... But I couldn't. How embarrassing is this?!

... I can't even.... No, I'm not even going to say anything about the cigarette necklace. I'll leave that to you.

It's a bit early, but I will be missing in action for the next several days, so here are this week's clothing horrors:

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS AND WHY DOES IT COST 116 DOLLARS. No, that's not a typo: ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN DOLLARS to look like you took a bunch of peanut butter cup wrappers and tied them around your fucking neck. Stupid!

How unforgivably hideous is this? Seriously. (On a side note, that's a stupid pose.)

If you own these, I hate you. I don't care. You could be a perfectly nice person, but I simply cannot abide those earrings. There is no excuse for wearing earrings like these. BURN. THEM.

Getting sick of teh hatez? Fine, here are some lovely threads that I 100% approve of. I hope you do too!

This sweet (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) hat from Shanalogic not only looks comfy, it looks adorable! I'd stroll down the streets rocking this hat, secure in the knowledge that I was superior to all others because of my fruity fruity hat.

YES, YES, AND YES. It's a freakin' keyboard cat shirt! Can anything compete with that? Absolutely not.

Oh my gosh, I love the 21st century. Since when did my favorite carbonated beverage become an accessory? How rad!

This reversable sweater from Fred Flare would show my mood way better than that shitty dimestore mood ring I shoplifted in 4th grade. Plus, it's red.

That's right: It's a hot pink bomber vest- with a convenient removable hood! You don't mess with someone who rocks gear like this.

I realize that Marialia already posted these little beauties in her fashion blog, but anyone who knows me knows my affinity for pandas. So how could I leave them out?

This, ladies, is Batman's utility belt. And I would totally wear it. Why? Um, it's functional? Plus, flashing a little Batman fandom never hurt anynerd.

Facepalm. I've heard of sleevless shirts, but this appears to be shirtless sleeves! There is simply no way this could ever look flattering.

Really? REALLY? Ignoring the nipple-bearing (we are ignoring the nipple-bearing, right?) this is just... THERE'S NO REASON TO BE THIS SLUTTY.

Speaking of slutty, let's say hello to Paris Hilton. Hi Paris! I like your hat! It kind of looks like you melted Big Bird and molded his dead carcas into baret! That's so cool because you're Paris Hilton! If anybody else did this, it would be ugly! But you're Paris! You're the queen of..... Wait, why are you famous again?

Everyone else is doing it! (See: Newageamazon, Elrich, xCollapsingcities, Musiciscool.)

1. Why did you first add me as a friend?
2. What were your first thoughts?
3. What do you think now?
4. What is your favorite picture I've taken or blog I've written?
5. How would you describe me or what I post?
6. What reminds you of me?
7. If we were able to magically teleport to magical places together, what do you think would be awesome to do?
8. Maybe we could attempt to make an ice sculpture, what do you think we should make?
9. Do you believe in magic?
10. Are you happy we're friends?

I appreciate sarcasm. And honesty. But mostly sarcasm.

Go!

Seriously, what the fuck. I know ruffles are "in," or whatever, but this looks like bunched up aluminum foil. NO.

"Fashion Crime." You got that right. This dress honestly and truly looks like it was pretty before it was MAULED BY A BLOODTHIRSTY ANIMAL.

THE PAIN!!!

Okay, not only is this an unnecessarily rageful message, but the grammar is wrong! If you're going to wear rude phrases on your shirt that signify that you're somehow better than the person reading it, you might as well get the grammar correct! Asshat.

No. Just..... no. Stop. Stop it right now.

This picture is so disturbing! There's a beautiful bride, her happy groom, AND A HIDEOUS HUMANOID PAPER LANTERN STANDING NEXT TO THEM.

I'm a very nostalgic person, thus seeing my favorite childhood band live in concert for the first time was bound to be a rad experience, even if I got food poisoning, barfed on a drunk guy, and got punched in the face by his hostile hxc friends. Well, none of those things happened, and the word "rad" does not begin to describe the night I had seeing Blink-182. In fact, no word in the English language does it justice. I'll go with "epic." Read more...

YO YO YO AMY, I KNOW YOU'RE TYPING OUT AN UNNECESSARY AND MISINFORMED RANT, BUT THE KANYE INTERRUPTS MEME IS THE BEST INTERNET VMAs REFERENCE OF ALL TIME!

This whole VMA thing, for as little as I thought I cared, is driving me insane: Not only are all the news articles completely in favor of this “Taylor Swift” character, but they are also missing the point: Sure, Kanye was rude, but that wouldn’t have mattered if Taylor Swift knew how to be a good sport. If she really thinks she’s the better person, she would have laughed it off.

Wake up! If I had been Taylor, I would have agreed with Kanye and given Beyonce a round of applause! That would have turned the whole negative into a positive: But of course people are going to get upset when you stand there like a schoolgirl in a piss puddle! Get over yourself!

My message to Kanye: Seriously, man. What the hell.

My message to Taylor: Grow the fuck up, you self-righteous little pussy. There are worse things than having somebody take the mic from you during your moment of all-absorbing glory. Get real.

My message to “Team Taylor” : Shut up. No really. Shut up. It’s not a big deal. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. It should no longer be a big deal. Just take your elementary school popularity games elsewhere and get on with your lives.

*edit* UH OH! WE'RE STARTIN' TEH E-DRAMAZ.

This is... kind of hideous... And by "kind of," I mean.... It would be less painful to have sex with a dry piece of splintered redwood than look at (or wear) this. FAIL.

Drop crotch pants are so inexcusably ugly even when they're NOT gathered at the waist and elasticised at the ankles. *vomits*

0_0 WAT. Who designed this?! WHY did they do it? What's going on? Why is there roadkill on that runway? Why does the model not care that she's being molested by a freshly killed and mutantly overgrown crow?!

(This is hopefully the start of a completely pointless awesome series about some of the horrific works of "fashion" in this world.)

This is a headband? It looks like underwear that someone threw across the room and it landed on her head. Urban Outfitters fail.

Isn't it easier to just tie a scarf arount your waist? Or spraypaint the word "slut" on your nude body?

Seriously. Do I even need to say anything snarky?

-Have you ever REALLY wanted to comment something, but you don't, because there's already like 97 comments, so you feel that whatever you add will go totally unnoticed?

-I really want that "Give Feedback" tab to GTFO when I'm viewing photos.

-Don't you love it when someone you totally *~idolize on Buzznet leaves you a note or a comment?

-Don't you wish your sidebar gave priority to the number of comments to or by you? I don't care if I have 1 new comment to me, but I sure as hell care if there's 14 comments by me! And yet it puts "1 comment to me" first. UGH.

-Nothing is more terrifying than seeing a "You Fail" macro and thinking it's in response to your post.

-Am I the only one who's scared to have Hunter Burgan analyze one of my photos one day?

-I do a little dance every time I see a message from Buzzbot in my inbox: It means I have a featured post.

-Don't you hate it when you post a funny macro, and assume everyone is going to be ROFL'ing, but no one even responds? Total ego bust.

-I hate it when I ask a question in the description of one of my photos and no one answers it.

-There is something so indescribably pleasing about seeing one of your concert photos on the Galleries page.

-Have you ever started leaving comments to someone, then stopped and thought "Fuck, they're going to have like 30 new comments, and they're all from me. They're going to think I'm stalking them. Fuck fuck fuck."

-Do you ever think someone on Buzznet is totally awesome, then you go to their Myspace, and they suck? What the heck?

-I really REALLY hate it when I see an amazing photo, but it's already been suggested.

-I hate it more when I suggest a photo, and it doesn't get featured.

-Am I the only one who actually hates DAZZLE comments? They're so old.

-Seeing a new post from MarkReadsTwilight in my sidebar is better than opening a Christmas present to find a thousand dollar bill wrapped a sweater I've wanted for 3 years.

-People without profile pictures bug the hell out of me.

-Do you ever feel like you NEED to change your default photo, but once you do, it looks weird, so you change it right back?

-I love funny posts, but at the same time, I hate them because someone else thought of it first. Dr. Nonsense is the classic example.

-I hate it when I REALLY want to post something for the new photo assignment, but I'm utterly idealess and whatever I come up with is going to be crap. 

-Seeing Jeffree Star in the "Recent Contributors" section on the homepage makes my blood boil.

-Why does Buzznet keep writing stuff about The Millionaires, as if they actually have a fanbase here?

-Doesn't it stink when you send someone a friend request, then check back a few days later, and they still haven't added you?

-Don't you hate that feeling of utter ruin when you make a post, assuming everyone will love it, and it goes unviewed for days and days? It unwantedly brings you back down to earth in the worst way.

-Am I the only one here who thinks Hanna Beth actually hates Buzznet, but she's not leaving simply because it's the only place where she's popular?

-It really upsets me when someone awesome (TheSusieQ, xShirleyx, ect.) "grows out of Buzznet." Like, it REALLY genuinely upsets me. I need a life.

-Isn't Buzznet Concert Photographers the best thing ever invented, ever? Like, EVER? Free concert tickets?! Free photopass? Hell yes!!!

-It sucks when you come up with a really cool idea for a group, but never make it because you're sure no one is going to join.

-Have you ever typed out a 15-paragraph rant in a thread, then realized everyone was going to TL;DR, so you just erase it and write "lulz" or something brainless?

-There is no greater triumph than getting on the homepage.

-I hate seeing a copyright violation on Buzznet. I don't want to rat on one of my fellow Buzznetters!!

-I feel really really bad for the admins: None of them could care jack shit about Audrey Kitching or Hanna Beth, and they still have to write about them. Bummer.

-Do you ever decide that you really want to talk to someone on Buzznet, but decide not to, because you don't want to bug them?

Think of more! This list must grow!

Why? Because we rock, and it's time we were recognized for the straight-up gangstas that we are. Dat's right, bitch, we ain't frontin', we just be pimpin them hoes in tha ghetto straight up mothafucka in the hood best not be gettin' all up in mah grill yo

SORRY.

Okay, for real. This is a shoutout to all the brilliant men, women and children contributing to Buzznet and making it awesome*: (In no particular order)

Rhianna: Come on, guiz, isn't she one of the first names that comes to mind when you think "Buzznet?" Her friendly face smiles down from the heavens of the interwebz, whether she's making you LOL with sarcasm, or *~dazzling you with her Cool Stuff On Buzznet blog. But wait! That's not all! She's also a photographer! Honestly, does it get any more Buzznett-y than this?!

Ashley: She's the worst batgirl ever, she ruins everything you like, and... um.... FEMMY FEMMY DOOM! That's right! This witty Buzznet enthusiast could pwn you any day of the week, whether it's with her intriguing photos, her ROFL-worthy tidbits of humor, or her feminist fist of feminine fury. You know a thread is lurk-worthy when you see her icon in the replies.

Paula: With ever-changing hair colors and a striking personality, Paula has begun to take over the world of Buzz with an iron fist. She creates buzz-worthy journals, frequently updates her photos, and does a damn good job of keeping the internet interesting. We can always count on Paula for our Buzznet-related needs.

John: One of the friendliest fellows on the whole internet, our wide-eyed enthusiastic compainion of buzz brings us brilliant photos. He was one of the founding Buzznet Originals who continues to inspire us through his endless creativity, years and years later. He is one faithful Buzznetter: A knight in shining badges.

Nessa: You see her in the forums, working the site into a frenzy of buzz. Wit? Check. Picspam? Check. Strongly-held opinions? Check. Humor? Check. Awesomeness? Double check. It wouldn't be Buzznet without Nessa.

Cory: On a day when you're sick and tired of the fangirls, frazzled after a long day of troll pwning, and all around done with teh e-dramaz, you can still come to Cory's page and all is well. She's got thought-provoking poems and gorgeous pictures. She is a true artist. Without her, Buzznet would be a stagnent wasteland of lolcats, absent of color and depth.

Ola: An inspiring photographer, a regular commentor, and an all-around sweet girl, Ola could easily be the face of Buzznet. She personifies the community at its best. She stuck with her 365 Day Project with passion and drive, and for that, we salute her!

Seb: Remember Spanky The Monkey? Well that flamboyant Buzznet amigo was the creation of the genius mind of our Sebby Badger Pants: One of the first OGs to win a pink star (because that's obviously relevant.) Count on this mysterious mate for infinite lulz and buzz. (Buzzlulz pun not intended.)

Evey: Of course we have to include the (in)famous Dr. Nonsense as one of the leading Buzznet enthusiasts! The minute your gaze first hits her page, there is no going back: You will never feel negatively about anything again. We adore everything about her, from those fiercely worded journals to her stunning photographs.

And, of course, we have to give credit to our lords and leaders: The Buzznet Staffers:

Bree: She's sweet, in every sense of the word. Her page is always loaded with fun journals, photos, and polls, ripe for the picking. She's a fresh faced and sassy blogger who we always manage to agree with. The wonderful world of Buzznet stays jumping because of her. I feel the need to call out her most recent contribution to the 'net: LULZ PLZ. Never again will I tiredly search for gifs on Google!

Mark: Now THIS is one badass motherfucker. He reads Twilight so you don't have to, runs oodles of fun threads, KILLS (no, not pwns. KILLS) noobs and fangirls, and takes sick photos. Shit, he can even sing for crying out loud! HOW, I ask you, HOW could you ask for anything more?

Rich: Got lulz? This guy makes Will Farrel seem dull. He makes Jim Carrey look boring. He makes me snore at Dane Cook. He is, literally, the closest thing I've ever seen to a walking, talking lolcat. Because why should it be srs bsns all the time? Can't we have some dazzle gifs, barrel rolls, and MS Paint masterpieces? Of course we can! And they're all kindly provided by Rich.

*I'm from California. I have to use awesome. In total unabashed overload.

I was not expecting anything good from Fall Out Boy's new music video, but I was gloriously mistaken: I saw piano keys, seagulls, fairly good acting, and hilariously bad greenscreen. I approve.

(Bolded parts are for all you tl;dr mofos who have more *~important~* things to do than read.)

So the video starts out with our favorite rolly polly tighty whitey of soul: Patrick Stump, alone on a boat for reasons unclear. I do like the ambiguity- it's nice to not have an overly-done Fall Out Boy music video for a change. Plus, the absence of emo bangs made me very happy.

I got a very nice blues-y feel (again, unlike Fall Out Boy's bubble gum norm,) especially from the piano scenes. Love the camera work, love the concept, hate the lip-syncing... But hey, we can't have it all.

What I like most is the absence of Pete Wentz's acting. I've got nothing against the lad, but he can't- and shouldn't- act. When I first saw this video, I kept dreading his appearance in some lame sailor costume, but I was gloriously mistaken yet again.

I'm digressing.

Patrick's discovery of the tangled seagull was great. It wasn't trying to be funny or dramatic, yet it kind of succeeded at both. The "tenderness" is hilarious, yet not too distracting from the fact that the Stump is alone on a rusty old vessel, doomed to eternal loneliness, caring for iron bulkheads and a cold, empty cot. (Insert fangirls offering to keep him warm here.)

The seagull keeps him company for the remainder of the good parts of this video.

And I'm sad to say... It's actually cute.

Then, as dreaded, the cliche approaches: While fishing, Patrick discovers certain Fall Out Boy memorabilia: The horns from Sugar We're Going Down, his jacket from Dance Dance, and the light-up "FOB" letters from Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. Guys, this referencing to other videos is overdone by now. Please, please, no more!

But lo! Something good!

Patrick does not lip-sync the Elvis Costello solo. And for that, I am eternally gratefull.

Unfortunately, (aside from seeing Bree in the crowd!!) it's all downhill from there. Patrick spies a sinking ship through his trusty binoculars, and stupidly comes to the rescue. No, Patrick! Bad Patrick! Let the fangirls drown! (But save Bree. K thnks bai.)

What? Brendon Urine Sample? NO. THIS CAN'T BE. But alas. It is.

And, look! Joe NoFroman! He IS in the band! (This is a horrifically unflattering screencap. My bad.)

AND WHAT'S UP WITH THE CENSORING OF "GOD DAMN ARMS RACE." Argghhh.

They totally made up for that with face-cringingly low quality greenscreen which, unless you have no sense of humor, is bound to make you ROFL.

More unflatteringness.

I give this video four out of five stars. Long story short: It's unexpected, enjoyable, and very well done.... ignore that last screencap....

La fin.

I'm no Paramore fan, and I don't normally peep new stuff for bands that I  don't like. (What's the point?) But I was tickled, if not outright offended, that an outspokenly Christian band had the guts to title one of their songs "Ignorance." (Look in the mirror, godbot.) Soooo I suffered through 3 minutes and 38 seconds of a contrived angst festival to bring you this review: (I'm hoping it'll be a review, not just a blatant rant.)

The opening riff is nothing special. This is Paramore's third full-length album coming out, and we're not hearing any maturation. The transition from All We Know Is Falling to Riot was pretty good: You could hear it in the music, the lyrics, and Hayley's voice. But there is nothing here. (In the riff.)

It starts to get catchy with the first verse and that cute little 4/4 bass drum beat backing Hayley's freshly-auto-tuned voice radiating adolescent ramble about being "judged." I'm used to hearing phrases like "If you're going to judge me, sentence me to another life" on emo Myspace profiles... Of course, after the release of this bound-to-be-mediocre album, that's exactly where these lyrics will occur. Anyway, those lyrics do not impress me on an angsty or poetic level.

So let's move onto the chorus. (I almost typed "bridge." Remember when songs actually had bridges? Good times.) The background vocal annoys me, to put it lightly.

We're not the same- HEY!!!! We're not the same- HEY!!!!

Ya, no. This isn't the 80's. You can't just put a random "hey" into the chorus and expect it to improve the catchiness of your track. (I don't know why they did that in the 80's, but somehow it worked. Moving on....) I feel like the guitar is too fast for Hayley's carefully-paced voice. Paramore makes that mistake quite often. Considering how young and inexperienced they are, it's hardly a sin, but really. Do they even have a producer listening to this thing?

It's good- HEY!!!! It's good- HEY!!!! It's.... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

It's bad. As the song progresses, Hayley's songbird aria gets stretched into a strident squeal. It's not pleasing. (I'd hate to think about what she sounds like in bed- eek!) If she's trying to make a point, I'd suggest a roar. Not a squeal. But I digress.

Following the cookie-cutter structure of modern alt-rock: Verse, chorus, verse, chorus; The song drags on. It's boring to listen to.

There is a cute little interlude/bridge? (Omg! A bridge!) where Hayley suddenly turns into Gerard Way and over-emphasizes her "R's" while simultaneously becoming 3 times more nasal than she usually is. Yikes!

For real. During the "Ignorance is your new best friend," segment, I checked to see if MyChem had suddenly started playing. It was terrible.

Speaking of terrible, what's up with the ending of this track? It does not invite a continuation, yet it also doesn't bring proper closure to the song. I feel like a fade-out would have been much more affective than a one-second spat of Hayley almost falling out of tune. Sheesh.

Sorry Paramore, but after listening to this song, I'd prefer a pair of brand new ears. You've just ruined mine. (Oh ya, I said it.)

I hope everyone is getting stoked on making their own No H8 photos, but in the mean time, it's time to share the tails of mayhem and duct tape that entailed at the Buzznet shoot.

(All photos were taken by JesIsBogus or myself.)

That's the Buzznet photo/interview room. Jes was kind enough to sit on a comfy sofa and take photos of me trying to hang up a white curtain. A true friend.

I got my revenge when I was programming my flash for twenty minutes, blinding Jes in the process.

The SECNOND I got right (dare I say- picture perfect?) the curtains fell down. Stricken, Jes and I made our way to Mark, whose building expertise was bound to set us right. He, followed by Rich and Bree, made his way into the photo room. A brief "tsk tsk" was had, and we got down to business putting the curtain back up.

(Bree is blurred out by request.)

We failed.

Rich was impressed by the sparkly blue curtain that fell down. So impressed, in fact, that he decided to make it a cape.

I can't come up with a good joke about his milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard, so let's move on.

Mark (in his infinite community-manager-like wisdom) suggested we make use of the massive roll of duct tape sitting on the table and tape the white curtain to the wall. He's a genius.

The finishing touches were made, everyone changed into their white shirts, and we got to work.

Actually, Richard found a purple hot light, then we got to work.

His paint skillz were much appreciated. (Don't feel guilty for awwing at this picture. You know they're adorable.)

Fellow Buzznet intern and blue-haired extraordinaire, Annie, joined us with her conveniently white shirt and awesome shoes.

The duct tape went on and Mark was the first one shot (so to speak.) This was my favorite picture from his series:

Karen was next.

Then Annie:

Aaaand Richard:

Then we did some group shots, and Karen had to go back to work.

Jimmy came in to take his photos, but we were a little preoccupied by Mark coming in and giving us news of gay marriage being permitted in New York! Yay New York!

Anyway, we wanted a few more pictures of Rich, so I told him to do something cute. This was his response:

Everyone went back to work, leaving me and Jes alone in the photo room. Then this occured:

The white shirts and hats came on. I snapped Jes first.

Then she put up with me trying to say "Wait, lemme look at that one," through my duct tape and snatching her camera.

We got a little silly before finally packing it in and going home.

The carnage of the shoot was cleared away, but not before I got a picture:

I hope everyone participates in this movement and makes their own No H8 photos! I've emailed Adam Bouska, and have yet to hear back from him, but we may get a feature on his website! Let's keep our fingers crossed!